note: a song
I held you
I smelled your scent
on my fingers
I bring you, to the edge of everything
I whisper that it's gonna be okay
In my head
We had it all
Even though I
knew we'd fall
In my head
I cannot say goodbye
But every time I see you
I cry
I watch you
from this place afar
You are laughing, as you finger
the strings on your guitar
And I see you
slowly turn your head
You are looking
at her face
listening to what she said
But in my head
we have it all
You're laughing with me now
Playing me a song
In my head
I'll never say goodbye
But everytimg I see you
I cry
It's the end of today
And I cannot turn away
I'm looking at the back of your head
again
The end of today, and I
quickly turn away, and for
a moment
you stare
at me
And you're wondering
Why I'm not breathing
Oh, it's not like I have to tell you
But if I don't
I couldn't compel you
Is there a point to being silent, being lonely?
Just because I'm scared
to be, not to be
only me
let's see
I held you
I smelled your scent
on my fingers
I bring you, to the edge of everything
I whisper that it's gonna be okay
And I can see my breath,
quickening,
inside of myself.
And I can feel my heart beat faster
Cuz I know
It's you I'm after
It's the end of today, and I
cannot turn away
I'm looking at the back of your head
again
The end of today, and I'm
Ashamed to say, that I
Cannot think of anything, but you
That everytime I want to be alone
I think of you,
And when I wanna sleep and dream again
All I see is you
And everytime I want to be alone
You're always there
Just beyond my gaze
At the end of my stare
It's the end of today,
and I cannot turn away, and I'm
looking at the back of your head
again.
25 comments:
its so sad!!!
p.s. i know what your writing about. or shall i say who.
actually, this was written a few months ago, but yeah, you do know. however, i'm not really sure if its still the same
ok. but still. it is very sad, no matter when it was written, and it does sound pretty. can you sing it for me some time please?
sure, but the toon matches the feeling, don't expect anything too upbeat
and by toon i mean tune
lol. i like your spelling of tune. ya, i know. an upbeat melody would ruin this kind of song. it sorrowfully twists your heart into pieces. the tune should too. besides, none of your songs are upbeat, can i really hold this one differently?
haha. actually, i have one song that is kinda up beat -- just ask miriam and watch how she cringes as i just mention it (but bear in mind, thats one out of thirty three (and by 33 i mean thirty three written ones))also, i've been singing it over and over again so the tune (toon)is gradually changing. not more upbeat, just more heart wrenching. wish i could sing it to you though right now (or to he who must not be named- Ha! jk)
really? this i must hear. sing it for me some time. you know, thats probably why i didn't know. every song of yours i've heard came from miriam, not you. so of course she wouldn't sing this song to me. you'll sing it for me? and by it i mean both of them. please.
GAH! she's sung you my songs!?
is that bad? i've also heard you sing some, but it usually goes as follows: miriam is singing one of your songs. i ask what it is. she says "its mimi's song". i proceed to ask you to sing it the next time i see you.
ah i see, although she musn't have been singing a very large variety (i mean there are a few staples, butchaknow) anyways, there are many that she doesn't sing, but the problem is, i can't do them the justice that they deserve, because (excuse my allusion) in my head, they are complete and perfect and just a beautiful harmony of instruments and voice that they will never actually become, and just thinking about this makes me so very sad...
btw, i was writting this next comment on your wall on facebook and realized i probably shouldn't so here it is: marina, i haven't been blogging (and yes that includes reading other people's blogs) since august, recently after my birthday, i really just couldn't bring myself to writting poetry because you guys would have yelled at me more about not contemplating killing myself, which by the way, you can tell i'm over because i am blogging again. though i still know that all is futal in life. though that doesn't mean i'm depresssed. it just means we all die eventually and though i'm very blessed where is all this getting me in he end?
no, that she doesn't. i've only heard maybe 3-5 songs in this manner. well, you are learning to play guitar, right? so there's a start. you just need to find the people who can play the other instruments that exist in your head well... or someone who has amazing computer skills and knows a program that can virtualy create the sounds. oh, hey! you have one of those in your house, go talk to him. jk. but you really aren't giving yourself justice. the songs on their own are beautiful too, and you know that, stop trying to deny it. and the whole vocal thing, you have that down, you just need to actually sing it out rather than suppressing all the louder notes because you're afraid of people hearing you.
...you didn't read any of my crazy september driving/canadian blogs?! well, you're gonna have to do that then, missy.
first off, we wouldn't have yelled at you for being depressed. i know i wouldn't have yelled at you because i for a while was also going through/am going through some serious emotional things now, and i'm pretty sure miriam wouldn't have yelled at you because she didn't yell at me and my depression was definitely stupider than yours. (trust me on that one).
i must go, i'll reply to last bit later.
ok, so yes life does end in death and we all go to the same place, but that doesn't mean that all life is futile (and yes, it is spelled with an i). the end is the end no matter what happens, and the end isn't a very fun place to be, because it is the end. the best part of life, despite the constant appearance of trying to get somewhere, is the journey. it doesn't matter where you end up in life, all the matters is what happens on the way. and i can't argue for the meaningness of everyone's life, but yours definitely does have a very important meaning. we are finite beings living in an infinite world (ignore science here, you know what i mean), so we can not even begin to dream that our tiny little lives will completely change the whole universe or cause such a major impact in the entire sphere of life. all we can do is concentrate on what's directly in front of us, and you are very important and have an irreplacable position among that directly in front of you. you affect the people in your life, and believe it or not, you bring joy to alot of people, and no matter what else you cause, the joy that you bring to the people that get it, whether it be great or little, is enough to make your life meaningful. thus, we conclude, class, that all in life is not futile, and it does not matter where it's getting you in the end, because the means to get there are far greater in importance. <3<3
"he must have a hot back of his head" --not birth
~amanda
(she lost her account because we were stupid so she's commenting through mine.. i.e. i type the comment that she said).
I don't know who is being written about. W/could anyone tell me?
you must ask mimi. it is not mine to tell. but don't push her to tell either. if she doesn't want to tell you, accept that. its not big deal either way.
yes amanda, the back of his head is very hot. Miriam: no comment. Marina: Thanks
mimi! you stopped replying to our long intense comment conversation!! please reply. i know it is much easier to just agree with hotness of rear sides of heads, but i liked our huge comment conversation... did you read the last part i wrote from that?
Of course I did (read that huge thing.) That's why i said "thanks" I just didn't have alot of time so i thought that'd suffice. But i did like what you said, when you referred to it being about the journey, not the destination, which is so true, not that I think about it. But i still want to leave something here after i'm gone. so, i better start now cause who knows when it's going to be over
mimi, you've already left something here. on a philosophical sense, you left a memory, a change in the people around you that can't be accounted for any other way. on a biological sense, you've left an ecological footprint. don't deny it, you know you've done it, we all have.
ah, thats what the thanks was for. i thought it was for telling mir not to bug you if you didn't want to tell.
well, that too
*poke* all i get is a "well that too"? :( i wish to talk to you (not about something specific, just general like we were doing here) and it doesn't really work when you don't say more than three words.
sorry. Again, I guess I wasn't really in the mood to talk though I don't remember, it was a long time ago. Plus, I probably didn't know what to respond and felt though conversation, at 23 comments, though quite a feat, was coming to its end. We can always have conversations on future posts
haha, ok. sure. sorry i drag things out so long. :p
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