why?

does everything hurt when i picture your face,
can't deal with the pain, there is no
replace to the things that you said, i thought i could try
cuz really I mean, why would I lie? I just wanted to--ugh
Why does everything hurt?
And it's not just you its like Hell visits Earth...
Like all that I had was taken away
All the mean while I'm just a
Freaking--
Ugh that's the pain, hitting my chest and I can't even
complete my sentences or keep to the rhymes scheme
I mean,enjambment is awesome but not like this not like
Freaking out here bc I'm an old jealous fool it isn't that
he's mine or ever even was honestly just an illusion,
And honestly, Mimi, you've got it made, do you even realize?
Why do you screw everything up? Why do you inflict pain onto others
your such a freaking bad person with such a freaking facade it isn't even
Ugh there it goes again and I've had it
I've had it up to---
I've had everything have everything can't keep emotions is place
do you I have a mental disease? I really think so why else would I be such an
IDIOT
I mean, come on, just saying that G-d has given you, ugh, so much and all you can do
Is take every situation and regurgitate the goodness as breakfast treat,
meanwhile it all piles up and up and overflows from your tainted hands, the hands that sin that
kill that
you don't deserve.
So maybe you don't know everything,
maybe G-d has plans for you you can't comprehend but
I'm sure you're screwing that up too
Because honestly, that's what you do so well nowadays

.

lying with my pillow on my head
crying bout the things you said
wishing life were just a dream
and the things i dreamed were real
and i'm just so insecure about the
very words i'm sure
would just bring you to your knees
baby i only say please
but its

here and there and you and you and
i can't take this i can't show you you
are not the one i thought you're everyone
and everywhere and

ugh.
it's just not fair.

alas insanity

Alas.
Insanity,
Bracing me like a leather choker and falling
down my waist now.
Rhythms bleeding one into the next that echo like the sound of drugs hitting the floor
and every last dying sound of my breath, ragged,
my clench week on its last hope
We are all on drugs,
Psychedelic mayhem breeding sanity
Sanity begets love.
Love begets forgiveness.
Then why do the pills make me hate you?
They said I would feel better,
like a calm hand on my mouth, erasing
the last 18 years
But desperation is what clouds my consciousness now,
A cry that is only mine to hear because if you own it,
than you own me.
You can take my insides out, and wrap them like a flag in storm,
but the metal pole will not stand against my twisted past.
Even its icy interior will crack from the pressure that
FOR SOME REASON
cannot fade.
Maybe it was you.
They sent you here...
Right?
To take me to the nice men in the white suits?