if I could always lay with you

I'm not crying
Laying here
I'm stuck
And yet I'm free

The last time I saw you
you were lying here with me

Our heads
were looking up
The sky had clouds,
but few

I was wondering to myself
If I could always lay with you

Your warm smile
softened me
Your red lips
were dry

Even as I saw you near,
even as they brushed my eyes

But last time
you were here
Was the last time
that I cried

I thought maybe it was just
Rain falling from the sky

but it was me,
the broken me
a symphony of misery
the me that used to cry

the me that was okay with hope
And didn't want to die