2008 I'm in hate and I'm lost
2009 I'll be found
Just as soon as the clouds part away
And yesterday's sun drops down
2008
I'm in hate
Tomorrow I'll be fine
Just as soon as I can breath
The air of 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
to dream
I'm sorry.
I seem to have upset the past,
now a swirling mass, a mess.
It wriggles at the seams,
attempts to break free.
But I see it
Suppress it.
Tell it to sleep.
To dream.
And breath.
And it kneels over,
crying out in pain.
"It will be alright," I say.
But maybe I'm just vain.
A hypocrite is what I am,
A liar and a fake.
That I don't want to sleep tonight,
I don't want to dream.
I just want to lie alone.
To lose myself,
unseen.
Asleep, I am real.
Awake, I am scared.
And in the state that's in between,
I'm freer than the Lost.
In this state I cry out loud,
In this state, I sing.
In this state I'm by myself.
Immune to vice and sting.
To dream is to see.
To live is to be.
But isn't it better to know than to feel?
To feel is to hurt
to know is to shield.
I want to lie,
alone and cold,
And dream today away.
Because to live today I feel the pain.
And now, I'm tired, shot.
to dream is peace and I am numb.
for now, that's all I've got.
I seem to have upset the past,
now a swirling mass, a mess.
It wriggles at the seams,
attempts to break free.
But I see it
Suppress it.
Tell it to sleep.
To dream.
And breath.
And it kneels over,
crying out in pain.
"It will be alright," I say.
But maybe I'm just vain.
A hypocrite is what I am,
A liar and a fake.
That I don't want to sleep tonight,
I don't want to dream.
I just want to lie alone.
To lose myself,
unseen.
Asleep, I am real.
Awake, I am scared.
And in the state that's in between,
I'm freer than the Lost.
In this state I cry out loud,
In this state, I sing.
In this state I'm by myself.
Immune to vice and sting.
To dream is to see.
To live is to be.
But isn't it better to know than to feel?
To feel is to hurt
to know is to shield.
I want to lie,
alone and cold,
And dream today away.
Because to live today I feel the pain.
And now, I'm tired, shot.
to dream is peace and I am numb.
for now, that's all I've got.
Monday, December 8, 2008
unborn, forgotten thought
Note: Miriam and I were doing email poetry back a while ago (and yes I said "email" not "emo") and we came up with this really good one that always gets stuck in my head. The first I'd say half is alternating every few lines between me and miriam and after that miriam kind of runs away with it so that's all her. she had a vision so she grabbed it. Though it may have been slightly explicite for a seventh grader (And I was an eight grader.) Anyways, just thought of this today and I realized it would be good to blog though it is kind of old. I named it "unborn forgotten thought" because that's what I think of when I think of this poem. In reality, however, it is unnamed. Punctuation, however messed up, I am keeping the same.
Miriam: if you want me to distinguish btwn me and you I can. Right now, i'm leaving it.
a sunflower high in the twilight sky,
like a moon shined flower whispering
a scared sensation, a flavored creation
Her sparkling eyes, a decision blistering
the meanest desperation
of living and not
killing innovation
the unborn forgotten thought
sweeter for the fantasies
transcending taste of sugar
living only in the dreams
the deadliest roar of a cougar
realization never ceases
fascination never lies
preoccupation creates wonders
thoughts of oceans in tiger's eyes
wonder why i never tried
wondered why the birds can fly
wondered why the fire burned
wondered how the world turned
wondered till i was nearly dead
then finally realized i'd lost my head
but looking back can never change what's happened
and looking forward only creates false hope
the only thing to do is wallow in your misery
this way you'll just have to cope
believing in yourself? Yeah right.
complete optimism? please.
she never could understand the difference between
receiving and taking, creating and making
playing the hard ball game
just wasn't the same
once it was all revealed
once it came out to light
the spontaneous combustion of decomposing leaves
has only left the faintest trace
of what came before
and everything that came after
was just a helpless wail of misery,
the cry to the stars above and dirt below
she wanted to spit on those leaves
the past so retched in her memory
the screaming sensation was the purest
elation of all the things that went, well, wrong
and the tired realization that she had guessed
it's not all right, I'm not all right
and the fact that she had kept hidden all these long years
was now just a distant flower in the past that was hope
that had been home
that had been real
something tangible to look forward to at the end of the day
but whats gone is dead
a crust of pizza slammed into the trash
sent off to the dump
with the crushed cars and dreams
he looked at her, dark eyes
laughing at life for living
speeding along at 90
going to spend an evening with the gals 'n' guys
the times were great
laughing joking, drinking
never a dull moment
never a tear to shed
the dark and the speed
a night like tonight
he never looked so good
she sighed
never smelled so nice
flared her nostrils and breathed
was never more appealing
than on that night.
they pulled over to the side of the old country road
and he took the lead
the pain was slight
but she'd do anything
for him.
once they got to the hang out
she hardly touched the sweet beer
her lips were only for him
her hands though his dark hair
only wanting him.
later that night or was it morning?
speeding along faster than before
didnt see the other car
coming from the other direction
just a scream
then thrown back and then forward
shattered glass in her hair she got up
and the out
of the car and walked around back
to the other side and opened his door
and he tumbled out halfway
"get up" she whispered and then turned to shout
she's leaning her head against the hard cold glass pane
she straightens then trudges over to the half open
bedroom door
and her gaze follows the widening band of light
that shines over the sleeping little boys dark hair
she stares softly at him,
raising him singly in her care.
"Good Night,
sleep tight,
I love you for ever and always."
she whispers.
Good God how I love him
she thinks
and then
"Good night."
Miriam: if you want me to distinguish btwn me and you I can. Right now, i'm leaving it.
a sunflower high in the twilight sky,
like a moon shined flower whispering
a scared sensation, a flavored creation
Her sparkling eyes, a decision blistering
the meanest desperation
of living and not
killing innovation
the unborn forgotten thought
sweeter for the fantasies
transcending taste of sugar
living only in the dreams
the deadliest roar of a cougar
realization never ceases
fascination never lies
preoccupation creates wonders
thoughts of oceans in tiger's eyes
wonder why i never tried
wondered why the birds can fly
wondered why the fire burned
wondered how the world turned
wondered till i was nearly dead
then finally realized i'd lost my head
but looking back can never change what's happened
and looking forward only creates false hope
the only thing to do is wallow in your misery
this way you'll just have to cope
believing in yourself? Yeah right.
complete optimism? please.
she never could understand the difference between
receiving and taking, creating and making
playing the hard ball game
just wasn't the same
once it was all revealed
once it came out to light
the spontaneous combustion of decomposing leaves
has only left the faintest trace
of what came before
and everything that came after
was just a helpless wail of misery,
the cry to the stars above and dirt below
she wanted to spit on those leaves
the past so retched in her memory
the screaming sensation was the purest
elation of all the things that went, well, wrong
and the tired realization that she had guessed
it's not all right, I'm not all right
and the fact that she had kept hidden all these long years
was now just a distant flower in the past that was hope
that had been home
that had been real
something tangible to look forward to at the end of the day
but whats gone is dead
a crust of pizza slammed into the trash
sent off to the dump
with the crushed cars and dreams
he looked at her, dark eyes
laughing at life for living
speeding along at 90
going to spend an evening with the gals 'n' guys
the times were great
laughing joking, drinking
never a dull moment
never a tear to shed
the dark and the speed
a night like tonight
he never looked so good
she sighed
never smelled so nice
flared her nostrils and breathed
was never more appealing
than on that night.
they pulled over to the side of the old country road
and he took the lead
the pain was slight
but she'd do anything
for him.
once they got to the hang out
she hardly touched the sweet beer
her lips were only for him
her hands though his dark hair
only wanting him.
later that night or was it morning?
speeding along faster than before
didnt see the other car
coming from the other direction
just a scream
then thrown back and then forward
shattered glass in her hair she got up
and the out
of the car and walked around back
to the other side and opened his door
and he tumbled out halfway
"get up" she whispered and then turned to shout
she's leaning her head against the hard cold glass pane
she straightens then trudges over to the half open
bedroom door
and her gaze follows the widening band of light
that shines over the sleeping little boys dark hair
she stares softly at him,
raising him singly in her care.
"Good Night,
sleep tight,
I love you for ever and always."
she whispers.
Good God how I love him
she thinks
and then
"Good night."
Friday, December 5, 2008
december
I'm trying to remember if December is good.
The near-winter feeling in the air-
If it strangles me
Or sets me free.
I'm trying to remember if I enjoy the pain
of letting go
of holding on.
Of smothering fires and dreams
and breaths.
I cannot rememeber
though I do try
and try
and try
and try
to see you
to picture your sweet face
I'm trying to remember
yet I know that I can't
so I wait to remember
for eternity
trying to remember
what yesterday meant
whether December was a good thing
or bad or whatever
I'll remember when I can
but for now,
just let go
I'm to old for you to hold my hand
Too old to cry
too old to sweat
never let them see me
never
I'm comfortable in this long black jacket
outside of myself
When I remember-
you'll know.
You'll see the recognition grace my face.
so please,
let go.
The near-winter feeling in the air-
If it strangles me
Or sets me free.
I'm trying to remember if I enjoy the pain
of letting go
of holding on.
Of smothering fires and dreams
and breaths.
I cannot rememeber
though I do try
and try
and try
and try
to see you
to picture your sweet face
I'm trying to remember
yet I know that I can't
so I wait to remember
for eternity
trying to remember
what yesterday meant
whether December was a good thing
or bad or whatever
I'll remember when I can
but for now,
just let go
I'm to old for you to hold my hand
Too old to cry
too old to sweat
never let them see me
never
I'm comfortable in this long black jacket
outside of myself
When I remember-
you'll know.
You'll see the recognition grace my face.
so please,
let go.
change of plans
There has been a change in plans. I won't be posting the rest of Grace on line. There is just way too much, and that alone would take a lot of time, but besides that, when I copy and paste into the blog it completely ruins the format. No more indents, and the italics disappear, which I can fix, but one at a time which will take absolutely forever. Conclusion: It's not worth it.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Grace: Chapter 1
They told her that she would have to go away.
Where? She whispered, so helpless in that meek shell of a teenage girl.
Away.
She walked up to the doors, two glass planes that spread before her. Arm extending, she braced herself and her body, ready for the impact that would surely take place upon entrance. The door opened with a swift squeak, and she gulped, sure that someone could hear her heart beating so quickly below her rib cage. A bright light greeted her, revealing clean hallways, and tile floors, and white walls.
Is this heaven? She wondered, eyes squinting from the bright effulgence, though of course she knew. This place was no heaven.
Looks can be deceiving.
“And you are…”
A stern old lady approached her, speaking through wrinkled lips.
“I’m… I’m Grace.”
The eyes, supported by equally wrinkled skin, scanned Grace up and down, in taking the image of a tall, black haired girl of fair skin, and slim wrists, and baggy, worn- out, second-hand uniform.
“Well Grace. Here is your schedule. Second period is taking place right now, so find your class and give the teacher this slip of paper.”
This slip of paper was bright yellow. As if Grace would get confused and hand in some other slip of paper.
She took the slip and turned around, reading on her schedule that she would need to find a Mr. Bentley in room 213. She reached the stairs and walked up, her shoes sliding carelessly over the slick tile. With every step she took toward the wooden door that read 213, the dread become greater and greater, each step harder and harder to complete. Yet the door was opening now, by the power of her own cursed hand, and now Grace stood awkwardly in front of fifty turned heads, the object of their attention.
A girl in the front row stood up, arm reaching in greeting.
“Hey Grace. My name is Jennifer, but everyone calls me Jen.”
Jen was bold. But was that surprising? Grace had trouble remembering things like that anymore. Whether it was a good thing or not to be bold, or maybe to be shy. Whether it was normal or not. But then again, Grace had never really been able to tell what was normal. But bold or beautiful or normal or whatever, Jen’s brown layered locks fell gracefully to her shoulders in an oh-so-nonchalant way. She shook the hand. Jen looked perfectly snotty with her pursed lips and perfect hair.
Jen talked with a tone of voice that Grace hated, a voice that managed to combine self- righteousness with pity, and a hint of disgust.
“Hi,” Grace returned. “I’m Grace. Oh, and I need to give you this.”
She turned away as she spoke, heel pivoting easily, and looked distastefully at the yellow paper before handing it to the presumed Mr. Bentley, a man in his early forties, who stood behind the desk. His graying hair was gelled up slightly in front.
“Thank you, Grace. You may take a seat in the back row.”
She managed to walk through the rows of students who stared without care or restraint. Their uniforms all shone with a newness that her own lacked, and she felt like a weed among roses. She could tell by the look in their scrutinizing eyes that she would be plucked from this garden as soon as possible.
Finally she reached the back row and found an empty seat. The boy in front of her turned around and smiled. For once, a genuine smile. “Jack,” He simply stated.
He had short, dark brown, somewhat curly hair and blue eyes. Could a normal person actually exist in this hellhole?
“No.” Someone seemed to answer.
Grace looked to her left and saw who had spoken.
“My name is Sarah, and I’m the Jen of the back row, if you will,“ The redheaded Sarah stared at Grace for a moment before turning her attention to Jack. “And I’m sorry Jack, but you just broke the No Speaking to the New Girl Rule.”
Bold and Bolder.
Jack turned around, facing front, dutifully.
And there goes the Wimp.
Grace just smiled to herself, knowing perfectly well the routine that had just occurred, with the staring, and excluding, and baseless hatred, and she knew the routine that would follow, where no one could care less. Every school, public or, like this one, private, had treated her the same. How could she have even hoped for a moment that this school, with its clean white walls, and superb reputation, would be any different? Grace had never had a place. Not at home, or at school, or even in life. Grace knew that everyone hated her. Grace knew that she hated herself. She knew that her breathing, her eating, her sleeping, her existing, was taking up precious space that could have been used for someone more worthy in the world. Grace knew that she was unworthy. She knew that she wanted to run far away. She knew that she wanted to die.
Where? She whispered, so helpless in that meek shell of a teenage girl.
Away.
She walked up to the doors, two glass planes that spread before her. Arm extending, she braced herself and her body, ready for the impact that would surely take place upon entrance. The door opened with a swift squeak, and she gulped, sure that someone could hear her heart beating so quickly below her rib cage. A bright light greeted her, revealing clean hallways, and tile floors, and white walls.
Is this heaven? She wondered, eyes squinting from the bright effulgence, though of course she knew. This place was no heaven.
Looks can be deceiving.
“And you are…”
A stern old lady approached her, speaking through wrinkled lips.
“I’m… I’m Grace.”
The eyes, supported by equally wrinkled skin, scanned Grace up and down, in taking the image of a tall, black haired girl of fair skin, and slim wrists, and baggy, worn- out, second-hand uniform.
“Well Grace. Here is your schedule. Second period is taking place right now, so find your class and give the teacher this slip of paper.”
This slip of paper was bright yellow. As if Grace would get confused and hand in some other slip of paper.
She took the slip and turned around, reading on her schedule that she would need to find a Mr. Bentley in room 213. She reached the stairs and walked up, her shoes sliding carelessly over the slick tile. With every step she took toward the wooden door that read 213, the dread become greater and greater, each step harder and harder to complete. Yet the door was opening now, by the power of her own cursed hand, and now Grace stood awkwardly in front of fifty turned heads, the object of their attention.
A girl in the front row stood up, arm reaching in greeting.
“Hey Grace. My name is Jennifer, but everyone calls me Jen.”
Jen was bold. But was that surprising? Grace had trouble remembering things like that anymore. Whether it was a good thing or not to be bold, or maybe to be shy. Whether it was normal or not. But then again, Grace had never really been able to tell what was normal. But bold or beautiful or normal or whatever, Jen’s brown layered locks fell gracefully to her shoulders in an oh-so-nonchalant way. She shook the hand. Jen looked perfectly snotty with her pursed lips and perfect hair.
Jen talked with a tone of voice that Grace hated, a voice that managed to combine self- righteousness with pity, and a hint of disgust.
“Hi,” Grace returned. “I’m Grace. Oh, and I need to give you this.”
She turned away as she spoke, heel pivoting easily, and looked distastefully at the yellow paper before handing it to the presumed Mr. Bentley, a man in his early forties, who stood behind the desk. His graying hair was gelled up slightly in front.
“Thank you, Grace. You may take a seat in the back row.”
She managed to walk through the rows of students who stared without care or restraint. Their uniforms all shone with a newness that her own lacked, and she felt like a weed among roses. She could tell by the look in their scrutinizing eyes that she would be plucked from this garden as soon as possible.
Finally she reached the back row and found an empty seat. The boy in front of her turned around and smiled. For once, a genuine smile. “Jack,” He simply stated.
He had short, dark brown, somewhat curly hair and blue eyes. Could a normal person actually exist in this hellhole?
“No.” Someone seemed to answer.
Grace looked to her left and saw who had spoken.
“My name is Sarah, and I’m the Jen of the back row, if you will,“ The redheaded Sarah stared at Grace for a moment before turning her attention to Jack. “And I’m sorry Jack, but you just broke the No Speaking to the New Girl Rule.”
Bold and Bolder.
Jack turned around, facing front, dutifully.
And there goes the Wimp.
Grace just smiled to herself, knowing perfectly well the routine that had just occurred, with the staring, and excluding, and baseless hatred, and she knew the routine that would follow, where no one could care less. Every school, public or, like this one, private, had treated her the same. How could she have even hoped for a moment that this school, with its clean white walls, and superb reputation, would be any different? Grace had never had a place. Not at home, or at school, or even in life. Grace knew that everyone hated her. Grace knew that she hated herself. She knew that her breathing, her eating, her sleeping, her existing, was taking up precious space that could have been used for someone more worthy in the world. Grace knew that she was unworthy. She knew that she wanted to run far away. She knew that she wanted to die.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
scarlet tears
suffocating
the scarf trails round her neck
down her spine
atop soft sweater
she lifts her head
revealing deep black eyelashes
and secrets that cannot come out
chained in behind the facade
its trailing the floor
leaving a blood red trail
and petals of gold
shes suffocating
but doesnt want to breath
or stay
or leave
shes wondering whether there was a point
whether anything is worth anything else
whether she deserves whats been dealt
and what she has dealt in return
supple lips turn up to face him
but the black hair shields light
and he is good
all thats left
that is worth anything else
a tear drop falls
blood red
down her cheek
so pleasantly depressing
her facade
so depressingly beautiful
the whole charade
shes smiling now
hes gone
hes here
hes gone
in a puddle of scarlet tears
she falls to the floor
the scarf caching as she descends
shes wondering whether there was a point
whether anything is worth anything else
whether she should go to sleep tonight
wake up in the morning
supple lips facing her pillow
but not intaking any breath
shes wondering if she should sigh like yesterday
smile like tomorrow
scarf trailing
in a puddle of scarlet tears
the scarf trails round her neck
down her spine
atop soft sweater
she lifts her head
revealing deep black eyelashes
and secrets that cannot come out
chained in behind the facade
its trailing the floor
leaving a blood red trail
and petals of gold
shes suffocating
but doesnt want to breath
or stay
or leave
shes wondering whether there was a point
whether anything is worth anything else
whether she deserves whats been dealt
and what she has dealt in return
supple lips turn up to face him
but the black hair shields light
and he is good
all thats left
that is worth anything else
a tear drop falls
blood red
down her cheek
so pleasantly depressing
her facade
so depressingly beautiful
the whole charade
shes smiling now
hes gone
hes here
hes gone
in a puddle of scarlet tears
she falls to the floor
the scarf caching as she descends
shes wondering whether there was a point
whether anything is worth anything else
whether she should go to sleep tonight
wake up in the morning
supple lips facing her pillow
but not intaking any breath
shes wondering if she should sigh like yesterday
smile like tomorrow
scarf trailing
in a puddle of scarlet tears
Monday, November 17, 2008
under a stone
note: song
I want you
You want me
I feel you- It's
you I see
and when
the lights go out
It's like
I need to shout
You are the best of everything
You do the things that make me, sane
And when I am alone, in pain --
You're there
and so I can't complain
(music interlude)
I feel like I'm walking on a cloud
My thoughts echo so clear, loud
but
I'm sick
I'm sick of life
Sometimes
I want to die
Sometimes
I want to live
Sometimes
I can forgive
(higher)
And sometimes----- I feel
so alone
And sometimes------ I feel like
I'm under a stone
And sometimes It's hard to walk away
Sometimes
I just want you to stay
Away
Stay away from me
Stay away
Stay away from me
You're making me insane
(in background)
Stay away
from me
your making me insane
I just want be alone
right now
(subdued)
sometimes I feel like I 'm under a stone
(pause)
sometimes I feel like I just want be
alone
(high, pretty)
sometimes when the moon hits on the ground
And your shadow shelters me from all the sounds
A little birdie wraps it's wings around the young
After it has sung
It's lullaby goodnight
I'm ashamed so say
that I want to live life this way
And when the sky is gray
I'll think of you
And of yesterday
so stay
Away
from me...
Because
I can
not breath...
and when
you
are near--
I love you so,
my dear,
I fear,
you are so gentle--
All that's left is good
So please
Become what's left of me---
Inside of me
(higher)
And sometimes----- I feel
so alone
And sometimes------ I feel like
I'm under a stone
Sometimes It's hard to walk away
Sometimes
I just want you to stay
Away
Stay away from me
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away from me
You're making me
insane
Stay away
from me
I just want be alone
right now
I want you
You want me
I feel you- It's
you I see
and when
the lights go out
It's like
I need to shout
You are the best of everything
You do the things that make me, sane
And when I am alone, in pain --
You're there
and so I can't complain
(music interlude)
I feel like I'm walking on a cloud
My thoughts echo so clear, loud
but
I'm sick
I'm sick of life
Sometimes
I want to die
Sometimes
I want to live
Sometimes
I can forgive
(higher)
And sometimes----- I feel
so alone
And sometimes------ I feel like
I'm under a stone
And sometimes It's hard to walk away
Sometimes
I just want you to stay
Away
Stay away from me
Stay away
Stay away from me
You're making me insane
(in background)
Stay away
from me
your making me insane
I just want be alone
right now
(subdued)
sometimes I feel like I 'm under a stone
(pause)
sometimes I feel like I just want be
alone
(high, pretty)
sometimes when the moon hits on the ground
And your shadow shelters me from all the sounds
A little birdie wraps it's wings around the young
After it has sung
It's lullaby goodnight
I'm ashamed so say
that I want to live life this way
And when the sky is gray
I'll think of you
And of yesterday
so stay
Away
from me...
Because
I can
not breath...
and when
you
are near--
I love you so,
my dear,
I fear,
you are so gentle--
All that's left is good
So please
Become what's left of me---
Inside of me
(higher)
And sometimes----- I feel
so alone
And sometimes------ I feel like
I'm under a stone
Sometimes It's hard to walk away
Sometimes
I just want you to stay
Away
Stay away from me
Stay away
Stay away
Stay away from me
You're making me
insane
Stay away
from me
I just want be alone
right now
hopeless fate
She writes this music to escape
This fateless hope
This hopeless fate
And if the words seem distant, wrong
Please forgive her, and the song
So call her liar,
She won’t mind
Because it is the truth you find
But it relieves her charred black soul
This clean white paper, crisp and dull
Tell me,
Who took your fine soul
Was it them
While they were bored
They took mine
while I slept
Twinkling toes on carpet crept
And though I cringed
I couldn’t block
Their slender fingers,
Dangling locks
And my white soul they took away
Replaced it new with something gray
So tell me,
can you blame my lies
The product of the sun’s arise
I don’t even know the truth
I don’t know the world of youth
Once its passed it goes away
Not darkening your doorstep another day
I have lost it
That’s the truth
These words simply expose the proof
That I’m a fraud
That we’re all fakes
That as we do, so we make
I’m a liar
I’m a cheat
But at least I’ll admit this feat
Instead, like you,
Cower
Retreat
Slowly, you’ll admit defeat
This fateless hope
This hopeless fate
And if the words seem distant, wrong
Please forgive her, and the song
So call her liar,
She won’t mind
Because it is the truth you find
But it relieves her charred black soul
This clean white paper, crisp and dull
Tell me,
Who took your fine soul
Was it them
While they were bored
They took mine
while I slept
Twinkling toes on carpet crept
And though I cringed
I couldn’t block
Their slender fingers,
Dangling locks
And my white soul they took away
Replaced it new with something gray
So tell me,
can you blame my lies
The product of the sun’s arise
I don’t even know the truth
I don’t know the world of youth
Once its passed it goes away
Not darkening your doorstep another day
I have lost it
That’s the truth
These words simply expose the proof
That I’m a fraud
That we’re all fakes
That as we do, so we make
I’m a liar
I’m a cheat
But at least I’ll admit this feat
Instead, like you,
Cower
Retreat
Slowly, you’ll admit defeat
the death of a mockingbird
Our cage held ten, until tonight
When ten turned into nine
The hue of black upon its back, reflecting light's white shine
I wasn't there, to see the pain
But sister said it died in vain,
Blood soaked, the velvet cape draped on its life
Reminds me of how yesterday,
The ten was really one,
Then one was two, and two was ten, and ten was quite a few
And when our house became a zoo
Of squawks
And laughter
Song
And all of life is met with death
A parakeet is no exception
Though its yellow sight
Turned black
Was not addressed in plain affection
And now it lays,
In frozen ground
Beneath Mamossa Central
With hamster friends, decayed and gone,
It's home,
A Kroger cream cheese box
"To kill a parakeet,"
I think
And know that all i do is mock.
When ten turned into nine
The hue of black upon its back, reflecting light's white shine
I wasn't there, to see the pain
But sister said it died in vain,
Blood soaked, the velvet cape draped on its life
Reminds me of how yesterday,
The ten was really one,
Then one was two, and two was ten, and ten was quite a few
And when our house became a zoo
Of squawks
And laughter
Song
And all of life is met with death
A parakeet is no exception
Though its yellow sight
Turned black
Was not addressed in plain affection
And now it lays,
In frozen ground
Beneath Mamossa Central
With hamster friends, decayed and gone,
It's home,
A Kroger cream cheese box
"To kill a parakeet,"
I think
And know that all i do is mock.
Monday, November 3, 2008
slightest bit tomorrow
I'm slightly insane
this shade of red and brown
it drags me down
the crusty earth of everything
of me,
of clay and tears
the fears are building up now
and i can't choke my song
even as i'm stranded here
i'm backed against the wall
last night' s dinner on the road
i sway and then i fall
Can it be the sympathy
that took me here, thus far
now i'm here alone
and i can barely stand against the waves
they drag me with the current
I can't even scream
or dream
I'm nothing now, it seems
a little bit like yesterday,
that everything's the same
the slightest bit tomorrow
that i'm the one to blame
dream or no,
friend or foe
i can tell the end
cracking on my head
and trickling down my neck, my spine
i close my eyes to keep it out
but it makes me shiver, still
I'm a little different, now
the slightest bit tomorrow
this shade of red and brown
it drags me down
the crusty earth of everything
of me,
of clay and tears
the fears are building up now
and i can't choke my song
even as i'm stranded here
i'm backed against the wall
last night' s dinner on the road
i sway and then i fall
Can it be the sympathy
that took me here, thus far
now i'm here alone
and i can barely stand against the waves
they drag me with the current
I can't even scream
or dream
I'm nothing now, it seems
a little bit like yesterday,
that everything's the same
the slightest bit tomorrow
that i'm the one to blame
dream or no,
friend or foe
i can tell the end
cracking on my head
and trickling down my neck, my spine
i close my eyes to keep it out
but it makes me shiver, still
I'm a little different, now
the slightest bit tomorrow
Saturday, October 25, 2008
cell phone tower
Note: A possible college essay. What do you guys think? (Double spaced it's actually a little over a page and a quarter.)
The mountain tops loomed over Elsie as she sobbed quietly inside her hands. Before her, a boundless tower stood where her yard had been, where her heart had been, and through her tears, for a moment, she could almost see the tall, flowing grass, here, the chrysanthemums and daffodils, and here, an overgrown pathway. But when the tears’ flowing abruptly stopped, all that remained was an endless pillar, a concrete mass of humanity’s progress. The top was now blocking the two-o-clock sun, and the heat of the day sent shivers down her spine. Elsie shuttered as she remembered leaving, and gasped a suppression of a sob.
Inside of her, something broke. Elsie turned to walk away.
The mountains of her foundation were still there, as she traversed the valley below, the valley of the shadow of death, remembering not to fear for He was with her. Of course the mountains were still there. Who could move mountains? The yard is gone, Elsie remembered. So? She and her family had been the only inhabitants, anyways. Well, aside from the chipmunks and squirrels, rivers and rocks. She laughed as she remembered skipping over the stepping stones of a stream that had wound around her cottage. She’d had a life. She’d had dreams and feelings and a future that would hum in harmony with God’s will. Flitting in sync with nature’s glory.
Now all Elsie had was a tower, a tower of Babel that threatened, not to reach God, but to be God. As she looked back, it loomed forebodingly in the two-o-clock sky, falling further and further behind her quickening feet. The clouds made the moment look like day had passed to night already, and Elsie knew the summer storm would come soon enough. When it did, she’d accept her fate, though the tower, a tower of communication, and knowledge, and bridges spanning worlds, would stand forever. Humans had played God, defying obstacles and washing nature into a thing of the past. The tower would stand even as the storm crashed over its concrete structure. Even as the yellow excavators destroyed the cottages. The tower would stand even as they moved the mountains.
And as she heard the equipment rumbling in the distance, she sat on the ground to wait for the lightning to strike.
The mountain tops loomed over Elsie as she sobbed quietly inside her hands. Before her, a boundless tower stood where her yard had been, where her heart had been, and through her tears, for a moment, she could almost see the tall, flowing grass, here, the chrysanthemums and daffodils, and here, an overgrown pathway. But when the tears’ flowing abruptly stopped, all that remained was an endless pillar, a concrete mass of humanity’s progress. The top was now blocking the two-o-clock sun, and the heat of the day sent shivers down her spine. Elsie shuttered as she remembered leaving, and gasped a suppression of a sob.
Inside of her, something broke. Elsie turned to walk away.
The mountains of her foundation were still there, as she traversed the valley below, the valley of the shadow of death, remembering not to fear for He was with her. Of course the mountains were still there. Who could move mountains? The yard is gone, Elsie remembered. So? She and her family had been the only inhabitants, anyways. Well, aside from the chipmunks and squirrels, rivers and rocks. She laughed as she remembered skipping over the stepping stones of a stream that had wound around her cottage. She’d had a life. She’d had dreams and feelings and a future that would hum in harmony with God’s will. Flitting in sync with nature’s glory.
Now all Elsie had was a tower, a tower of Babel that threatened, not to reach God, but to be God. As she looked back, it loomed forebodingly in the two-o-clock sky, falling further and further behind her quickening feet. The clouds made the moment look like day had passed to night already, and Elsie knew the summer storm would come soon enough. When it did, she’d accept her fate, though the tower, a tower of communication, and knowledge, and bridges spanning worlds, would stand forever. Humans had played God, defying obstacles and washing nature into a thing of the past. The tower would stand even as the storm crashed over its concrete structure. Even as the yellow excavators destroyed the cottages. The tower would stand even as they moved the mountains.
And as she heard the equipment rumbling in the distance, she sat on the ground to wait for the lightning to strike.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
the strings on your guitar
note: a song
I held you
I smelled your scent
on my fingers
I bring you, to the edge of everything
I whisper that it's gonna be okay
In my head
We had it all
Even though I
knew we'd fall
In my head
I cannot say goodbye
But every time I see you
I cry
I watch you
from this place afar
You are laughing, as you finger
the strings on your guitar
And I see you
slowly turn your head
You are looking
at her face
listening to what she said
But in my head
we have it all
You're laughing with me now
Playing me a song
In my head
I'll never say goodbye
But everytimg I see you
I cry
It's the end of today
And I cannot turn away
I'm looking at the back of your head
again
The end of today, and I
quickly turn away, and for
a moment
you stare
at me
And you're wondering
Why I'm not breathing
Oh, it's not like I have to tell you
But if I don't
I couldn't compel you
Is there a point to being silent, being lonely?
Just because I'm scared
to be, not to be
only me
let's see
I held you
I smelled your scent
on my fingers
I bring you, to the edge of everything
I whisper that it's gonna be okay
And I can see my breath,
quickening,
inside of myself.
And I can feel my heart beat faster
Cuz I know
It's you I'm after
It's the end of today, and I
cannot turn away
I'm looking at the back of your head
again
The end of today, and I'm
Ashamed to say, that I
Cannot think of anything, but you
That everytime I want to be alone
I think of you,
And when I wanna sleep and dream again
All I see is you
And everytime I want to be alone
You're always there
Just beyond my gaze
At the end of my stare
It's the end of today,
and I cannot turn away, and I'm
looking at the back of your head
again.
I held you
I smelled your scent
on my fingers
I bring you, to the edge of everything
I whisper that it's gonna be okay
In my head
We had it all
Even though I
knew we'd fall
In my head
I cannot say goodbye
But every time I see you
I cry
I watch you
from this place afar
You are laughing, as you finger
the strings on your guitar
And I see you
slowly turn your head
You are looking
at her face
listening to what she said
But in my head
we have it all
You're laughing with me now
Playing me a song
In my head
I'll never say goodbye
But everytimg I see you
I cry
It's the end of today
And I cannot turn away
I'm looking at the back of your head
again
The end of today, and I
quickly turn away, and for
a moment
you stare
at me
And you're wondering
Why I'm not breathing
Oh, it's not like I have to tell you
But if I don't
I couldn't compel you
Is there a point to being silent, being lonely?
Just because I'm scared
to be, not to be
only me
let's see
I held you
I smelled your scent
on my fingers
I bring you, to the edge of everything
I whisper that it's gonna be okay
And I can see my breath,
quickening,
inside of myself.
And I can feel my heart beat faster
Cuz I know
It's you I'm after
It's the end of today, and I
cannot turn away
I'm looking at the back of your head
again
The end of today, and I'm
Ashamed to say, that I
Cannot think of anything, but you
That everytime I want to be alone
I think of you,
And when I wanna sleep and dream again
All I see is you
And everytime I want to be alone
You're always there
Just beyond my gaze
At the end of my stare
It's the end of today,
and I cannot turn away, and I'm
looking at the back of your head
again.
if I could always lay with you
I'm not crying
Laying here
I'm stuck
And yet I'm free
The last time I saw you
you were lying here with me
Our heads
were looking up
The sky had clouds,
but few
I was wondering to myself
If I could always lay with you
Your warm smile
softened me
Your red lips
were dry
Even as I saw you near,
even as they brushed my eyes
But last time
you were here
Was the last time
that I cried
I thought maybe it was just
Rain falling from the sky
but it was me,
the broken me
a symphony of misery
the me that used to cry
the me that was okay with hope
And didn't want to die
Laying here
I'm stuck
And yet I'm free
The last time I saw you
you were lying here with me
Our heads
were looking up
The sky had clouds,
but few
I was wondering to myself
If I could always lay with you
Your warm smile
softened me
Your red lips
were dry
Even as I saw you near,
even as they brushed my eyes
But last time
you were here
Was the last time
that I cried
I thought maybe it was just
Rain falling from the sky
but it was me,
the broken me
a symphony of misery
the me that used to cry
the me that was okay with hope
And didn't want to die
Friday, August 29, 2008
why is mimi sad?
Why is mimi sad?
as she cries alone in bed
sobbing in the pillow,
wishing she were dead.
The lights flicker
from high above,
and she forgets what's wrong,
a halleluyah chorus rings
and she's lost in it's song.
Where did day's loving light go?
lost behind the clouds,
her conscious flickers past her eyes,
the soul of all her sounds
And she can feel your presence here,
how it hesitates,
from fear of "no"s
and "maybe so"s
or maybe even hate.
Still, you wonder to yourself
eyes dimmed against the light,
staring at her, jaw clenched tight
you're constrained with all your might.
Mimi isn't sad
she just knows the truth
the innocence of older days
the lies that they tell to youth
So why does mimi cry
as she lies alone in bed
sobbing in the pillow
wishing she were dead.
Cuz dead is better than this place
a place of foolish dreams
The place where mimi cries today,
the place where mimi screams
as she cries alone in bed
sobbing in the pillow,
wishing she were dead.
The lights flicker
from high above,
and she forgets what's wrong,
a halleluyah chorus rings
and she's lost in it's song.
Where did day's loving light go?
lost behind the clouds,
her conscious flickers past her eyes,
the soul of all her sounds
And she can feel your presence here,
how it hesitates,
from fear of "no"s
and "maybe so"s
or maybe even hate.
Still, you wonder to yourself
eyes dimmed against the light,
staring at her, jaw clenched tight
you're constrained with all your might.
Mimi isn't sad
she just knows the truth
the innocence of older days
the lies that they tell to youth
So why does mimi cry
as she lies alone in bed
sobbing in the pillow
wishing she were dead.
Cuz dead is better than this place
a place of foolish dreams
The place where mimi cries today,
the place where mimi screams
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
lost in the water's shade
i saw you looking at my face
your eyes were baring down on me
but when i looked
i couldn't see
anything to see in me
i'm stuck and helpless,
stranded here
the water is surrounding me
coming closer
coming in
the tide restricts me,
pressure's on me
the island burns
from
far away
the fish all shade their eyes
when you go
they'll watch you fall
and when you choke
they'll die
but my reflection,
so obscure
lost in the water's shade
baring down
and crawling on me
you're following my gaze
and as the island burns I sing
i'm here all by myself,
with me
i'm lonely,
contemplating
old times,
you and I
the fish are all,
i think,
still passing by
watching as we sink into it all.
the island burns, now
fish are gone
their last tail's flap did fade,
so where were you
when i collided
hit and run,
joined,
divided
it's a sad thing
you,
ignited.
it's a hard thing,
me,
inside it
my eyes still follow
my reflection
and i just
sink into it all
i'm gone
but really
more alive
now, when i sink with Grace
the salty water licks my face
finally to get a taste.
of all i've know
this wet embrace
so,
sing as i shall fall again
sing as if i'm gone
and if you do
i'll sing that tune
for you at your death, too
even from my grave
i'll sing
even if i'm gone
i promise you,
that when you, too
go to the island,
far away
i'll sing for you
because you mirror
me, down to my soul
me,
down to the mold
i'll sing so softly from the depths,
i'll sing from far away
your crisp green eyes
are still,
alas,
lost in water's shade
your eyes were baring down on me
but when i looked
i couldn't see
anything to see in me
i'm stuck and helpless,
stranded here
the water is surrounding me
coming closer
coming in
the tide restricts me,
pressure's on me
the island burns
from
far away
the fish all shade their eyes
when you go
they'll watch you fall
and when you choke
they'll die
but my reflection,
so obscure
lost in the water's shade
baring down
and crawling on me
you're following my gaze
and as the island burns I sing
i'm here all by myself,
with me
i'm lonely,
contemplating
old times,
you and I
the fish are all,
i think,
still passing by
watching as we sink into it all.
the island burns, now
fish are gone
their last tail's flap did fade,
so where were you
when i collided
hit and run,
joined,
divided
it's a sad thing
you,
ignited.
it's a hard thing,
me,
inside it
my eyes still follow
my reflection
and i just
sink into it all
i'm gone
but really
more alive
now, when i sink with Grace
the salty water licks my face
finally to get a taste.
of all i've know
this wet embrace
so,
sing as i shall fall again
sing as if i'm gone
and if you do
i'll sing that tune
for you at your death, too
even from my grave
i'll sing
even if i'm gone
i promise you,
that when you, too
go to the island,
far away
i'll sing for you
because you mirror
me, down to my soul
me,
down to the mold
i'll sing so softly from the depths,
i'll sing from far away
your crisp green eyes
are still,
alas,
lost in water's shade
Friday, August 1, 2008
Ed, the hairless, schizophrenic frog
I was filling out my blog profile and I decided to answer a random question. It was this: "The children are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the wig." I answered it, but then it said that it could only be 400 characters. So much for that. Anyways, here is my response, considerably longer than 400 characters. I apologize for this ahead of time, and please, children, don't take this to heart.
There once lived a bald frog named Ed on the shores of Lake Tipawaka. His appearance was made a mockery in the town off the shore, so Ed became depressed all the time, especially when the air outside began to become crisp and crystals of ice could be seen shimmering atop the lake. When winter came his head would freeze and he looked on in envy at all the other frogs, whose luscious hairs would flow from their soggy scalps.
One winter morning, an especially cold winter's morning, Ed woke up feeling lonely and ignored, cold and sad. In a moment of radical desperation, Ed flung open the door to his dugout and ran to the nearest Wig Emporium, throwing some change onto the counter and grabbing the nearest wig, which happened to be a smooth looking toupee, positioning it roughly on his head. The graceful hair now swept in front of his forehead and barely touched his neck, a stylish haircut for a stylish frog. Ed felt elated, like he could do anything in the world, now that he had hair. And so he walked proudly to work, head held high, chin up, and shoulders square. Ed, a longtime school teacher, could not wait to see what the children had to say. They would look up to their teacher now.
As Ed walked to school people were giving him curious stares. "Hmmmm.... I didn't realize I was THAT handsome!" Ed said, raising his head a little higher still. But when Ed arrived at school, all the children began laughing at Ed, and as they did so their heads bobbed back and forth wildly, large, evil smiles on their faces, hair streaming in cascades of browns and greens behind their youthful, pale, green necks. "What's going on?" he yelled, frightful of their response. The children continued to laugh, but wouldn't say anything, because they thought he knew. Well, it was obvious, wasn't it? His new toupee was bright pink. But, of course, Ed was colorblind, had always been color blind, so had hadn't realized that a ludicrously toned wig sat on his head. The childrens' laughs were getting louder and louder, echoing dangerously in his ears, falling around him, pushing inside of him. Ed began to back away from the gathering crowd, still confused and scared. Tears began to drip down his face.
"Why do you hate me?"
"Because you are a bad person," a voice in his head responded.
"A bad person?!" He asked to this voice. " A BAD PERSON?!?! ALL I EVER WANTED WAS FOR EVERYONE TO LIKE ME! All I ever wanted was to be loved. Why won't they love me?! WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?!?!?!?!?" He screamed inside his head, face turning red from the rage and anguish, before the children. Now they only laughed harder because of this bright red, paired with the bright pink of the toupee. His sight was quite something to behold.
"Fine," He muttered, his voice becoming high and panicky under his breath. "You don't like me. My fate is doomed. Good bye."
"Yes, that's right. You are unwanted. Leave forever." And so, Ed ran away from the children toward the lake, the pattering steps of the students gaining on him, their laughs growing in momentum, their hair shaking more wildly, the late morning sun now shining off their locks in a light too bright to look at, a light that burned Ed's eyes as he frantically turned his head back for a moment. Ed now reached the lake and took one last, steady gulp before jumping into the lake before him. As he dove the pink toupee took flight as well, journeying off into the sky, carried away by the cold, windy day. It glinted for a moment, and then was gone, a mere memory of a teacher who had lost his hair and hope. Ed drowned that day, and still the children laughed. They laughed all the way to school and all the way home, their evil, toothy smiles flashing still.
There once lived a bald frog named Ed on the shores of Lake Tipawaka. His appearance was made a mockery in the town off the shore, so Ed became depressed all the time, especially when the air outside began to become crisp and crystals of ice could be seen shimmering atop the lake. When winter came his head would freeze and he looked on in envy at all the other frogs, whose luscious hairs would flow from their soggy scalps.
One winter morning, an especially cold winter's morning, Ed woke up feeling lonely and ignored, cold and sad. In a moment of radical desperation, Ed flung open the door to his dugout and ran to the nearest Wig Emporium, throwing some change onto the counter and grabbing the nearest wig, which happened to be a smooth looking toupee, positioning it roughly on his head. The graceful hair now swept in front of his forehead and barely touched his neck, a stylish haircut for a stylish frog. Ed felt elated, like he could do anything in the world, now that he had hair. And so he walked proudly to work, head held high, chin up, and shoulders square. Ed, a longtime school teacher, could not wait to see what the children had to say. They would look up to their teacher now.
As Ed walked to school people were giving him curious stares. "Hmmmm.... I didn't realize I was THAT handsome!" Ed said, raising his head a little higher still. But when Ed arrived at school, all the children began laughing at Ed, and as they did so their heads bobbed back and forth wildly, large, evil smiles on their faces, hair streaming in cascades of browns and greens behind their youthful, pale, green necks. "What's going on?" he yelled, frightful of their response. The children continued to laugh, but wouldn't say anything, because they thought he knew. Well, it was obvious, wasn't it? His new toupee was bright pink. But, of course, Ed was colorblind, had always been color blind, so had hadn't realized that a ludicrously toned wig sat on his head. The childrens' laughs were getting louder and louder, echoing dangerously in his ears, falling around him, pushing inside of him. Ed began to back away from the gathering crowd, still confused and scared. Tears began to drip down his face.
"Why do you hate me?"
"Because you are a bad person," a voice in his head responded.
"A bad person?!" He asked to this voice. " A BAD PERSON?!?! ALL I EVER WANTED WAS FOR EVERYONE TO LIKE ME! All I ever wanted was to be loved. Why won't they love me?! WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?!?!?!?!?" He screamed inside his head, face turning red from the rage and anguish, before the children. Now they only laughed harder because of this bright red, paired with the bright pink of the toupee. His sight was quite something to behold.
"Fine," He muttered, his voice becoming high and panicky under his breath. "You don't like me. My fate is doomed. Good bye."
"Yes, that's right. You are unwanted. Leave forever." And so, Ed ran away from the children toward the lake, the pattering steps of the students gaining on him, their laughs growing in momentum, their hair shaking more wildly, the late morning sun now shining off their locks in a light too bright to look at, a light that burned Ed's eyes as he frantically turned his head back for a moment. Ed now reached the lake and took one last, steady gulp before jumping into the lake before him. As he dove the pink toupee took flight as well, journeying off into the sky, carried away by the cold, windy day. It glinted for a moment, and then was gone, a mere memory of a teacher who had lost his hair and hope. Ed drowned that day, and still the children laughed. They laughed all the way to school and all the way home, their evil, toothy smiles flashing still.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
same old story
note: this song inspired my 'subtitle'
[chorus]
It's the same old story, same old lies.
They crawl around so beautifully,
They sleep without hopes or rights.
The same old story same old lies.
The end could never follow up,
The world was there to swallow us.
Hopes and dreams
Whats the use?
It all seems so dead, alone.
Same old story
Never could explain the drone.
Tell me what to make of us,
Tell me is it real,
I want to know why dreams become
The essence of surreal
Tell me, can I not become
All I never thought to feel
The dreams and deeds, so innocent
It's like all I think's not real
No, it never was,
That same old story always told
We're a sold out ticket box,
A sold out movie's ticket box.
[*]
Lie alone,
I command you,
I beseech you to desert
The past is gone
We are a lost cause,
A futile lost cause.
Futile dreams,
Please tell me,
Am I not?
Why am I not?
Futile chances
Can I be everything I thought?
[chorus]
Tell me what to make
Of all I never understood
Tell me how to break,
Is it real
Or is it fake?
[chorus]
[*]
vanity
vanity
vanity
same old story
vanity
[chorus]
It's the same old story, same old lies.
They crawl around so beautifully,
They sleep without hopes or rights.
The same old story same old lies.
The end could never follow up,
The world was there to swallow us.
Hopes and dreams
Whats the use?
It all seems so dead, alone.
Same old story
Never could explain the drone.
Tell me what to make of us,
Tell me is it real,
I want to know why dreams become
The essence of surreal
Tell me, can I not become
All I never thought to feel
The dreams and deeds, so innocent
It's like all I think's not real
No, it never was,
That same old story always told
We're a sold out ticket box,
A sold out movie's ticket box.
[*]
Lie alone,
I command you,
I beseech you to desert
The past is gone
We are a lost cause,
A futile lost cause.
Futile dreams,
Please tell me,
Am I not?
Why am I not?
Futile chances
Can I be everything I thought?
[chorus]
Tell me what to make
Of all I never understood
Tell me how to break,
Is it real
Or is it fake?
[chorus]
[*]
vanity
vanity
vanity
same old story
vanity
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
G and J
you stretch your hand out lovingly
caress my shoulder
shelter me
and through your heartbeat i can see
i love you more than anything
the tree bark fades
as night does come
and i can't see our sign
scrawled in with your red pocket knife
love for G and J
and i whisper
into your ear
the words i feel
this intense fear
for whether this is real or all a dream
cuz i don't even
know
where the world
goes
when the lights go out
and the trees go away
yet, you cared enough to say
isn't once better than never at all
isn't once better than to distantly fall
so even when the sky is gray
i'll pray for you
another day
you are my soul, my tender J
and though this is a dream,
it seems
I'll make you think i'm real
the clouds are parting
on my world
i know you're gone
as we unfurl
this recipe for Happily Ever After
the sky is blue
and i'm awake
where did the rain run off to
for when it falls
i can see
you clearly through the fog
though of course
it's hard to tell
if i'm crying anymore
these tears are washing as they fall
away from my sore face
they hit the ground
and then they're dead
or maybe just replaced
with your dear smile
one last time
scrawled upon your face
and on the tree
and in the dirt
this love
shall never fade
this love for G and J
caress my shoulder
shelter me
and through your heartbeat i can see
i love you more than anything
the tree bark fades
as night does come
and i can't see our sign
scrawled in with your red pocket knife
love for G and J
and i whisper
into your ear
the words i feel
this intense fear
for whether this is real or all a dream
cuz i don't even
know
where the world
goes
when the lights go out
and the trees go away
yet, you cared enough to say
isn't once better than never at all
isn't once better than to distantly fall
so even when the sky is gray
i'll pray for you
another day
you are my soul, my tender J
and though this is a dream,
it seems
I'll make you think i'm real
the clouds are parting
on my world
i know you're gone
as we unfurl
this recipe for Happily Ever After
the sky is blue
and i'm awake
where did the rain run off to
for when it falls
i can see
you clearly through the fog
though of course
it's hard to tell
if i'm crying anymore
these tears are washing as they fall
away from my sore face
they hit the ground
and then they're dead
or maybe just replaced
with your dear smile
one last time
scrawled upon your face
and on the tree
and in the dirt
this love
shall never fade
this love for G and J
Sunday, July 27, 2008
sky blue that flows
Breathless,
I am small
In space
Torn, alone
In time
In fate
And though I cry
When I awake
I’m small
But I can instigate
Weak
Though I am soulless
Bate
A sunrise greets me
Hearts defeat meI am small
In space
Torn, alone
In time
In fate
And though I cry
When I awake
I’m small
But I can instigate
Weak
Though I am soulless
Bate
A sunrise greets me
Roses cringe
And smiles, fleeting
Tell me, can you see it too
The aura that shines out,
Sky blue
That flows, so smooth,
Round me and you
We are linked
Tied by string
Though we were stuck
So in between
Where are you
When I awake
Breathless,
I am small
In space
the sound of everything
I walk into the light
I see what’s behind me
It’s dark back there
Just like in my dream
I stop for a while
I’m not breathing
I’m not living
I’m just seething
And I
Can hear
My footsteps
Echoing
Though, they’re muffled by the sound
of everything
that’s still breathing
And I
cannot see
my finger tips
As my hand stretches
In front me
It’s grasping at the gate
Yet somehow I can think.
What is that light that caresses me to sleep?
(note: both this and the next post are excerpted from a story I am writing called "Grace")
I see what’s behind me
It’s dark back there
Just like in my dream
I stop for a while
I’m not breathing
I’m not living
I’m just seething
And I
Can hear
My footsteps
Echoing
Though, they’re muffled by the sound
of everything
that’s still breathing
And I
cannot see
my finger tips
As my hand stretches
In front me
It’s grasping at the gate
Yet somehow I can think.
What is that light that caresses me to sleep?
(note: both this and the next post are excerpted from a story I am writing called "Grace")
Friday, July 18, 2008
life as we know it
note: these were the first lyrics i wrote and i wrote them five years ago and i haven't looked at them in forever but i still wrote this from memory. bear in mind i didn't know what i was writing then. i still don't know what i write. but at least i now know the power of my own hand.
look up to the sky,
see the airplanes passing by
look down below,
watch the world fly out the window
you know it's gone
gone forever
life won't come back
back together
and the rain
came pouring down
till the earth
flooded all around
life as we know it will never again be found
see that kid by the swings?
he doesn't know what anything means.
see that flower blooming on?
he doesn't know it'll soon be gone.
but you know it's gone
gone forever
life won't come back
back together
and the rain
came pouring down
till the earth
shattered all around
life as we know it will never again be found
see that tv screen all bright?
with happy shows ever day and night
see the man laughing loud
he don't suspect
not a sound
but you know it's gone
gone forever
life won't come back
back together
and the rain
came pouring down
till the earth flooded all around
life as we know it will never again be found
look up to the sky,
see the airplanes passing by
look down below,
watch the world fly out the window
you know it's gone
gone forever
life won't come back
back together
and the rain
came pouring down
till the earth
flooded all around
life as we know it will never again be found
see that kid by the swings?
he doesn't know what anything means.
see that flower blooming on?
he doesn't know it'll soon be gone.
but you know it's gone
gone forever
life won't come back
back together
and the rain
came pouring down
till the earth
shattered all around
life as we know it will never again be found
see that tv screen all bright?
with happy shows ever day and night
see the man laughing loud
he don't suspect
not a sound
but you know it's gone
gone forever
life won't come back
back together
and the rain
came pouring down
till the earth flooded all around
life as we know it will never again be found
Friday, July 11, 2008
the place where darkness meets the sky
Never let go
Of this hand that you hold
Just so you know
I’ve been bought and sold
He took me away
That little green elf
But worry not
It’s okay
I sold myself
I wanted to drown
Just like you do
Don’t deny it, it’s something
We’ve all been through
So please clasp my hand
Whilst the moons eclipse
And at least I’ll have warmth at my fingertips
And I’ll guide you to the place of rest
And we’ll embrace it,
This “love”
This death
So hold me tight
Hold me down
That way I’ll never hit the ground
And we can go
To that place
Where darkness meets the sky
Where when we jump
We jump high
This place where sorrow meets the clouds
Where if we fall
We hit the ground
And we never make a sound
So please, tomorrow
Let me drown
Of this hand that you hold
Just so you know
I’ve been bought and sold
He took me away
That little green elf
But worry not
It’s okay
I sold myself
I wanted to drown
Just like you do
Don’t deny it, it’s something
We’ve all been through
So please clasp my hand
Whilst the moons eclipse
And at least I’ll have warmth at my fingertips
And I’ll guide you to the place of rest
And we’ll embrace it,
This “love”
This death
So hold me tight
Hold me down
That way I’ll never hit the ground
And we can go
To that place
Where darkness meets the sky
Where when we jump
We jump high
This place where sorrow meets the clouds
Where if we fall
We hit the ground
And we never make a sound
So please, tomorrow
Let me drown
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Fallen
I think I’ve fallen
Long ago
I used to think that I would know
Eventually
What would become of me
Atop the highest mountain peak
Where I could see the snow
But way up there
It’s so unclear
The earth does shine
From down below
I could never see the snare
All I can see is snow
And all the while
I do wait
For everything to clear
All the while we sit and wait
Trembling in fear
Victimizing
Criticizing
Breathlessly to veer
Away from chance
Away from light
It’s all blocked away
The light is gone
The tunnel long
The snow has yet to faze
Everything does tumble down
Upon our selfish hearts
We hide away
So quietly
In our crumbling caves
Waiting for the shining rays
Of reality
To show their greens and grays
When snow does part
Allowing us
To see the light of day
But maybe we don’t want to see it
Maybe its okay
To remain this unsure shade
Of off white, smokey gray
Maybe I don’t want to ever see the light of day
Long ago
I used to think that I would know
Eventually
What would become of me
Atop the highest mountain peak
Where I could see the snow
But way up there
It’s so unclear
The earth does shine
From down below
I could never see the snare
All I can see is snow
And all the while
I do wait
For everything to clear
All the while we sit and wait
Trembling in fear
Victimizing
Criticizing
Breathlessly to veer
Away from chance
Away from light
It’s all blocked away
The light is gone
The tunnel long
The snow has yet to faze
Everything does tumble down
Upon our selfish hearts
We hide away
So quietly
In our crumbling caves
Waiting for the shining rays
Of reality
To show their greens and grays
When snow does part
Allowing us
To see the light of day
But maybe we don’t want to see it
Maybe its okay
To remain this unsure shade
Of off white, smokey gray
Maybe I don’t want to ever see the light of day
Sunday, June 29, 2008
*
This blog was created for expression-- an outlet, of sorts. I've never had anything like this before, so excuse my wide-ranging inadequacies, but I'll try my best to simply give you what I have to give. I hope it's acceptable, in my humbleness its really the best I can do. This blog shall include poems and such, maybe a story or two, but mostly song lyrics. I've never given them to anyone, except a few close friends, whom I can trust. I hope I can trust you as well. These stories come from far away. Sometimes (well, usually) I don't even know their origins. They appear on a distant mountain's peak, something I see, and can almost touch, with my arms outstretched. They never tell me who they are. That's left for me to guess. Usually I get it right. So please. These are from the soul. That distant peak? It's inside of me. Maybe one day you can consume it too.
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